Day Zero

Sunday July 19, 2009
The irony was not lost on us as we landed in Las Vegas, city of perpetual indulgence, to travel to the back of beyond for 2 weeks of self-imposed austerity. The stark contrast of that artificial environment revealed itself within a few miles of leaving the city limits where we immediately plunged into the semi-arid desert of Southern Utah. Not a green shoot in sight. Safely cocooned in our air-conditioned bus, we sped through a land of, as Bryson described the Australian Bush, a “featureless nowhere”. However, my misgivings soon gave way to awe as we encountered huge seismic uplifts of sedimentary rock strata, bent and contorted and weathered into wondrous rock formations of red shale and sand dunes petrified millions of years ago.

Could anybody survive out here? My rhetorical question was soon answered as we pulled into the travesty of a town named St. George, which seemed hell bent on rivaling Fresno as the chain restaurant capital of the world with KFC, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Pollo this and Pollo that, to name but a few. The architecture was so sad – we could have been anywhere – vernacular (buildings in local materials using local methods) was obviously a style to be eschewed, not embraced.
With much trepidation, we continued to Fitness Ridge itself, and what a blessed relief. The place is beautiful – the modern interpretation of an Aztec/Pueblo look, although neither is indigenous to the region, was at least an attempt to get it right.

The interiors are well laid out, our room is spacious and comfortable, and the South West theme- blankets, weavings, Indian art - worked really well.
We checked in and when I was handed my 100% white cotton robe, I knew that I would be OK! We unpacked and settled in and then went for our weigh in and to get our vitals checked out. Needless to say, we tipped the scales at grade 2 obese – disappointing as last week we had been going for a minimum of grade 3 – and they were not impressed with our philosophical arguments of the weaknesses of BMI, and they certainly did not believe our protestations that we were merely “big boned.” Girth, arm size, thigh size, belly – all were carefully measured as we signed several waivers excusing the staff no matter what long-lasting harm they were about to cause us. We were also given directions to the nearest “InstaCure” – what’s that? Another chain restaurant? Are there no hospitals in Utah? I guess we should at least be grateful that at the InstaCure, there’s no waiting!

Tonight was orientation and the first meal which was surprisingly filling: a bowl of penne pasta and meat sauce with a salad to start (or a desert to end) – quite a change when you think that our normal Italian meal consists of anti-pasta, primi, segundi, and dolcetta, as well as pasta! I guess that we’ve got a lot of re-education to go through. The deal is 1200 calories a day, no typos, 1200. That’s 400 for breakfast, 300 for lunch, and 500 for dinner. Are our bodies going to be going into major withdrawal symptoms or what.

Notwithstanding the 1200 calorie rule, I guess that the biggest thing that hits you here, is the heat: imagine being about 3 feet away from the 12x12 bank of floodlights at Candlestick, and when a breeze blows, imagine attached to each lamp are 144 gigantic hair dryers set to high. I’ve never felt such a hot wind before. I’ll never complain about the Santa Anna or le Mistral again.Our first hike tomorrow is at 6:30 in the morning - reveille at 5:45, before sun up. More to come.